ghost season
Oct. 8th, 2025 05:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
serafaeryI hit a wall on my list of things to do today while driving around like a madwoman trying to get it all done and realizing I was dangerously overdue for an oil change. I got that done but it was SLOW and I was just done after that.
Lots of documents to go through for the house but we're chipping away at it, look at us, being adults together.
I think because of the house buying process, because of my mammogram tomorrow and my friend's breast cancer not responding to chemo, remembering my mom's house getting foreclosed on, watching her lose everything and become a ward of the state with alcohol-induced dementia, and then having to escort her through endometrial cancer radiation and surgeries, the childlike nostalgia I have over the changing weather and Halloween, I just hit a tsunami of unbearable grief, in the midst of all the errands, today.
( dreams )
...
Missing my mom suddenly and devastatingly, today.
I miss my dad, too. He died 25 years ago.
I miss what it felt like to have grandparents, as a small child (my dad's parents were no longer living when I was born, but my mom's were around when I was little.)
Wishing for a relative to laugh/cry over the osteo-arthritis in my hands commonly termed "Mommy Thumbs," while never having had the chance to be a mommy.
There are many blessings in my life. But also many gaping black holes of loss that I sometimes stumble into, unaware, unexpectedly, and then I'm lost in the dark for a few moments/hours/days.
I think I have a ghost child who has unintentionally injured my hands with her invisible yet chronic neediness. Maybe she made friends with Lunar, who has haunted our apartment since his death. I don't believe in ghosts, not even cat ghosts, but that doesn't change the fact that Lunar is haunting this apartment.
Lots of documents to go through for the house but we're chipping away at it, look at us, being adults together.
I think because of the house buying process, because of my mammogram tomorrow and my friend's breast cancer not responding to chemo, remembering my mom's house getting foreclosed on, watching her lose everything and become a ward of the state with alcohol-induced dementia, and then having to escort her through endometrial cancer radiation and surgeries, the childlike nostalgia I have over the changing weather and Halloween, I just hit a tsunami of unbearable grief, in the midst of all the errands, today.
( dreams )
...
Missing my mom suddenly and devastatingly, today.
I miss my dad, too. He died 25 years ago.
I miss what it felt like to have grandparents, as a small child (my dad's parents were no longer living when I was born, but my mom's were around when I was little.)
Wishing for a relative to laugh/cry over the osteo-arthritis in my hands commonly termed "Mommy Thumbs," while never having had the chance to be a mommy.
There are many blessings in my life. But also many gaping black holes of loss that I sometimes stumble into, unaware, unexpectedly, and then I'm lost in the dark for a few moments/hours/days.
I think I have a ghost child who has unintentionally injured my hands with her invisible yet chronic neediness. Maybe she made friends with Lunar, who has haunted our apartment since his death. I don't believe in ghosts, not even cat ghosts, but that doesn't change the fact that Lunar is haunting this apartment.
sweater weather
Oct. 8th, 2025 09:35 amserafaeryChaos in my mind, swimming swimming spiraling thoughts, need to make a list!
( list for moi )
I feel really good after getting up at 6am today, still in the darkness, to fill water jugs and the tea kettle and get henna in my hair and do all the dishes and shower and such before the water got shut off at 8am this morning. It will be off until 2pm. I am not sad to be leaving this problematic apartment complex. All apartments have their issues, but I have literally lost count of how many days we have had to go without water this year. It's at least 2x per month on average, for a while there it was every week. Power often gets shut off as well. I hope such things are more consistent where we are going. The house we will have more control over, but public utilities are another matter. Hopefully it will be okay.
I am *so nervous* about every aspect of home ownership. I could not sleep at all last night, so worried about the loan and mortgage and how to keep the house in tact and clean and in working order and comfortable and everything. It's daunting, to say the least. Nothing like say, parenting, but still.
Going to run off to silks soon, but I also wanted to journal about yesterday.
Had a ton of work to get done in the morning so I spent my day until about 1pm boxing up orders and cooking meals for Josh and such.
Finally got out the door and grabbed a latte, shipped my orders, and drove out to Saddle Mountain.
It was warm and sunny and I didn't get on the trail until 3:40pm, so I motored up as fast as I could within reason. Enjoyed the birds and chipmunks and squirrels, ravens and swallows and the autumn dryness and late flowers, most stuff has gone to seed at this point. Lots of mushrooms but I wasn't looking for them - the shaggy chanterelle were especially cute.
Reached the summit at 4:51, had it to myself, took ten minutes to hydrate and snack and gaze at the ocean and surrounding hills.
I'm really grateful to my body for being able to do this. My hands and hip and feet hurt a bit when I was done, but not too bad. I feel like I'm re-building my fitness after a really sad spring and summer. I feel hopeful this can continue. I just sort of had to re-set how hard I can actually push myself, and adjust my activity levels, but I'm slowly filling back in some of the activities I lost, and feel able to do them at a slightly softer pace. This is appropriate for my age and where I am in life, it's okay. It was really difficult to be forced to slow down, but I'm okay.
Looking forward to more time for art and wings and letter writing/snail mail and reading and today the weather is shifting, high of 62 and mostly overcast, and tomorrow the rain begins again. I'm actually excited for sweater weather and snuggly evenings on the couch with Josh watching spooky movies.
I'm tiiirrreeeed - got up too early lol. But need to grab some snacks and run off to silks!
I have my first mammogram tomorrow and I am DREADING it, I have to work all day tomorrow and Friday, but I have the weekend to myself, yay! Hopefully Saturday will be visiting a donkey sanctuary and carving pumpkins with Steph, that would be so nice.
( list for moi )
I feel really good after getting up at 6am today, still in the darkness, to fill water jugs and the tea kettle and get henna in my hair and do all the dishes and shower and such before the water got shut off at 8am this morning. It will be off until 2pm. I am not sad to be leaving this problematic apartment complex. All apartments have their issues, but I have literally lost count of how many days we have had to go without water this year. It's at least 2x per month on average, for a while there it was every week. Power often gets shut off as well. I hope such things are more consistent where we are going. The house we will have more control over, but public utilities are another matter. Hopefully it will be okay.
I am *so nervous* about every aspect of home ownership. I could not sleep at all last night, so worried about the loan and mortgage and how to keep the house in tact and clean and in working order and comfortable and everything. It's daunting, to say the least. Nothing like say, parenting, but still.
Going to run off to silks soon, but I also wanted to journal about yesterday.
Had a ton of work to get done in the morning so I spent my day until about 1pm boxing up orders and cooking meals for Josh and such.
Finally got out the door and grabbed a latte, shipped my orders, and drove out to Saddle Mountain.
It was warm and sunny and I didn't get on the trail until 3:40pm, so I motored up as fast as I could within reason. Enjoyed the birds and chipmunks and squirrels, ravens and swallows and the autumn dryness and late flowers, most stuff has gone to seed at this point. Lots of mushrooms but I wasn't looking for them - the shaggy chanterelle were especially cute.
Reached the summit at 4:51, had it to myself, took ten minutes to hydrate and snack and gaze at the ocean and surrounding hills.
I'm really grateful to my body for being able to do this. My hands and hip and feet hurt a bit when I was done, but not too bad. I feel like I'm re-building my fitness after a really sad spring and summer. I feel hopeful this can continue. I just sort of had to re-set how hard I can actually push myself, and adjust my activity levels, but I'm slowly filling back in some of the activities I lost, and feel able to do them at a slightly softer pace. This is appropriate for my age and where I am in life, it's okay. It was really difficult to be forced to slow down, but I'm okay.
Looking forward to more time for art and wings and letter writing/snail mail and reading and today the weather is shifting, high of 62 and mostly overcast, and tomorrow the rain begins again. I'm actually excited for sweater weather and snuggly evenings on the couch with Josh watching spooky movies.
I'm tiiirrreeeed - got up too early lol. But need to grab some snacks and run off to silks!
I have my first mammogram tomorrow and I am DREADING it, I have to work all day tomorrow and Friday, but I have the weekend to myself, yay! Hopefully Saturday will be visiting a donkey sanctuary and carving pumpkins with Steph, that would be so nice.
multifandom icons.
Oct. 6th, 2025 09:11 pmwickedgame posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
icons Fandoms: Beauty & The Beast, Chicago Fire, Country Comfort, Daredevil: Born Again, Dead Boy Detectives, DOC - Nelle Tue Mani, Good Trouble, Gotham Knights, Hawkeye, How To Get Away With Murder, Kevin Can F*** Himself, Nancy Drew, The Sandman, SkyMed, Warrior Nun, XO, Kitty, Young Royals
rest HERE @mundodefieras
rest HERE @
mundodefieras 
Posting again.
Oct. 5th, 2025 02:48 pmmidnight_heavenly_bodies posting in addmeName: C.K. or Chester, if you like.
Age: 36.
I mostly post about: Linkin Park (specifically the 2000-2017 era, before the band became a cult puppet show), wrestling (classic SMW, WWF, the always sexy Jim Cornette, and my own very cursed WWE 2K25 Universe where I resurrect promotions and pair people based on vibes and trauma), Culture Club/Boy George fic, chaos, conspiracies, and timelines that make Doctor Who look basic, my OCs, who are so deeply real to me I've fought people in my head about them, Witchcraft, spirit work, folk healing, moon rituals, grief magic, retro gaming, random emotional overshares that sound like a journal entry from a possessed poet with too many piercings
My hobbies are: Writing fic that's 70% emotional breakdown, 20% worldbuilding, and 10% people getting railed in a meaningful way, hexing cults with sigils and sass, collecting music like it's my religion, drawing OCs, editing cursed screenshots and organizing old files like I'm preserving the Library of Alexandria, going to work like a normal person, coming home, and spiritually becoming a haunted glitter goblin with eyeliner and vengeance
My fandoms are: Linkin Park, wrestling (SMW, WWF, WCW -- but mainly the universes in my head), Culture Club (I write a huge fanfic AU for them), t.A.T.u., Verka Serduchka, obscure Eastern European pop acts with synths and trauma, Star Trek AOS (specifically Into Darkness)
I'm looking to meet people who: are too weird for Reddit, too raw for Instagram, and too smart for Twitter/X, overshare about their OCs like it's their religion, are into long-ass posts, rambling, and crying over character development
My posting schedule tends to be: Erratic. Sometimes I post a lot, sometimes I disappear for three weeks and come back with stuff.
When I add people, my dealbreakers are: Racism, ableism, transphobia, homophobia, antisemitism, or being a dick in general, "Hamasniks", Scientology apologists or people who think Mike Shinoda is evil because they saw an Instagram reel with eerie music behind it (or buy into a certain someone's heavily cherry-picked posts), anyone who says "you still like Linkin Park?" or "isn't wrestling fake?"
Before adding me, you should know: I'm trans. My pronouns are he/him and they/them. I am autistic and ADHD. I write the "controversial" fanfic trope of mpreg a lot. I am very defensive of my faves. I am a Zionist, and hate how the term has been turned into something it's not. I am pro-AI, and use it a lot to make AI song covers. I find it fun. Also, I smoke weed, lol.
Age: 36.
I mostly post about: Linkin Park (specifically the 2000-2017 era, before the band became a cult puppet show), wrestling (classic SMW, WWF, the always sexy Jim Cornette, and my own very cursed WWE 2K25 Universe where I resurrect promotions and pair people based on vibes and trauma), Culture Club/Boy George fic, chaos, conspiracies, and timelines that make Doctor Who look basic, my OCs, who are so deeply real to me I've fought people in my head about them, Witchcraft, spirit work, folk healing, moon rituals, grief magic, retro gaming, random emotional overshares that sound like a journal entry from a possessed poet with too many piercings
My hobbies are: Writing fic that's 70% emotional breakdown, 20% worldbuilding, and 10% people getting railed in a meaningful way, hexing cults with sigils and sass, collecting music like it's my religion, drawing OCs, editing cursed screenshots and organizing old files like I'm preserving the Library of Alexandria, going to work like a normal person, coming home, and spiritually becoming a haunted glitter goblin with eyeliner and vengeance
My fandoms are: Linkin Park, wrestling (SMW, WWF, WCW -- but mainly the universes in my head), Culture Club (I write a huge fanfic AU for them), t.A.T.u., Verka Serduchka, obscure Eastern European pop acts with synths and trauma, Star Trek AOS (specifically Into Darkness)
I'm looking to meet people who: are too weird for Reddit, too raw for Instagram, and too smart for Twitter/X, overshare about their OCs like it's their religion, are into long-ass posts, rambling, and crying over character development
My posting schedule tends to be: Erratic. Sometimes I post a lot, sometimes I disappear for three weeks and come back with stuff.
When I add people, my dealbreakers are: Racism, ableism, transphobia, homophobia, antisemitism, or being a dick in general, "Hamasniks", Scientology apologists or people who think Mike Shinoda is evil because they saw an Instagram reel with eerie music behind it (or buy into a certain someone's heavily cherry-picked posts), anyone who says "you still like Linkin Park?" or "isn't wrestling fake?"
Before adding me, you should know: I'm trans. My pronouns are he/him and they/them. I am autistic and ADHD. I write the "controversial" fanfic trope of mpreg a lot. I am very defensive of my faves. I am a Zionist, and hate how the term has been turned into something it's not. I am pro-AI, and use it a lot to make AI song covers. I find it fun. Also, I smoke weed, lol.
I haven't done this in a while
Oct. 4th, 2025 11:21 pmwantedonvoyage posting in addmeI'm trying to be on here more than LJ because I'm paying for a lot of userpics, so I figured I would try again.
Name: Chris
Age: old
I mostly post about: My life and interactions.
My hobbies are: going to rock concerts, camping, kayaking, stand-up paddle-boarding, drawing badly, reading and writing fiction.
My fandoms are: I don't really know that I'm into any specific franchise enough to count other than bands. I don't watch TV or see many movies. Some peculiar nerddoms: I have long been interested in the history of passenger aviation and shipping although I do very little about it these days.
Who I want to connect with: I am curious about people's lives which are different than mine and I am glad DW gives me a chance to experience them. Thus if our interests don't seem to align don't let that be a show stopper.
When I add people, my show-stoppers are: No drumpfreich apologists. I am also not particularly interested in following "celebrity" bloggers who are only on here looking for an audience. I like for my connections on here to be a two-way street.
Before adding me, you should know:
Name: Chris
Age: old
I mostly post about: My life and interactions.
My hobbies are: going to rock concerts, camping, kayaking, stand-up paddle-boarding, drawing badly, reading and writing fiction.
My fandoms are: I don't really know that I'm into any specific franchise enough to count other than bands. I don't watch TV or see many movies. Some peculiar nerddoms: I have long been interested in the history of passenger aviation and shipping although I do very little about it these days.
Who I want to connect with: I am curious about people's lives which are different than mine and I am glad DW gives me a chance to experience them. Thus if our interests don't seem to align don't let that be a show stopper.
When I add people, my show-stoppers are: No drumpfreich apologists. I am also not particularly interested in following "celebrity" bloggers who are only on here looking for an audience. I like for my connections on here to be a two-way street.
Before adding me, you should know:
- Currently I have two things consuming a lot of my non-work time, which has meant less time to read and write. I'm doing my best to keep up and do not want to fall out of the habit. Accordingly...
- When I am pressed for time, I may make more of an effort to read/comment the people who also more frequently engage with my posts. This doesn't mean we shouldn't be connected if you can't be constantly be lavishing me with attention.
- One of the two distractions mentioned above is I am currently in a leadership position in my small, progressive/inclusive mainline protestant church. Although i do post about it, it's more in the vein that people post about their work life. I do not use my blog to proselytize. Also, I am not in the least bit uptight or prudish, or here to judge your life choices, and--as you would learn--I would be on thin ice if I did. It's just another thing that i do.
life is what you make it, but you don't get to choose the ingredients, or the timing.
Oct. 4th, 2025 03:30 pmserafaeryjust wanted to relay the most fascinating moment experienced with Joshter recently, I meant to mention it in therapy but maybe I'll just reflect on it here - I need to make this quick because I need to pick up prescriptions and come home and bake a pie, but first I just don't want to forget....
We had been talking about really deep stuff, we've been doing this more lately, he's gotten more tolerant of it and I'm so grateful, and were exploring the topic of selfhood, and somehow swerved into this idea I've been playing with that nothing I do is ever really in my control, that selfhood/ego is a useful illusion but that everything is predestined by our genetics and we aren't really at any sort of steering wheel - that is just a useful concept to keep us feeling engaged in a chaotic world where all control is an illusion. It would be really hard to relate to others and navigate without this pretend sense of self, and that itself is also predetermined genetically.
I related to him this experience of seeing my dog's puppies come out with fully in tact, distinct personalities from day 1 of their little lives that never changed at all, no matter what they experienced. And I reminded Josh about that experience he had of reading a book written by a cousin of his who he had never known, and seeing the extreme parallels of their two lives, to the point that Josh suddenly felt like he wasn't his own person at all, that he was just a carbon copy of this cousin.
"Isn't it the most wonderful feeling?" I was expressing to him happily.
"It was HORRIBLE!" he exclaimed in abject revulsion.
It took a while for me to tease out why it felt so bad to him to feel this sensation, when it felt good to me.
But it's because - Josh's life has been great! Barely anything bad has ever happened to him. And this unwell society we live in teaches us that if we have good lives, it's because we're good people who did good things and worked hard and deserved it, and people who have difficult lives are bad people who did bad things and deserve it.
But that's completely untrue. Some of us (hi! I'm some of us) have a terrible hand of cards dealt to us through absolutely no fault of our own, and have a shitton of miserable experiences that have nothing to do with our moral capacity or self-discipline or ability to work hard or make good choices or do right things, and none of it has anything to do with deserving anything.
I'm not saying we have zero responsibility - we absolutely do have full responsibility over our lives and we have to recognize and claim that, no matter what. Who else will? This is our life, we didn't ask for it, but we have to work with what we are given as best we can. There is no other way to exist.
But we also need to understand the privilege and circumstances that brought us to good things and bad things, bad choices and good choices, the ability to see clearly enough to make needed changes, and to give others grace (while not forgiving or allowing harmful behavior) who have failed in whatever way, for not having the best chances for success.
Anyway, just something I wanted to make a note of. It was just such a funny contrast. And a fun thing to explore and share together.
We had been talking about really deep stuff, we've been doing this more lately, he's gotten more tolerant of it and I'm so grateful, and were exploring the topic of selfhood, and somehow swerved into this idea I've been playing with that nothing I do is ever really in my control, that selfhood/ego is a useful illusion but that everything is predestined by our genetics and we aren't really at any sort of steering wheel - that is just a useful concept to keep us feeling engaged in a chaotic world where all control is an illusion. It would be really hard to relate to others and navigate without this pretend sense of self, and that itself is also predetermined genetically.
I related to him this experience of seeing my dog's puppies come out with fully in tact, distinct personalities from day 1 of their little lives that never changed at all, no matter what they experienced. And I reminded Josh about that experience he had of reading a book written by a cousin of his who he had never known, and seeing the extreme parallels of their two lives, to the point that Josh suddenly felt like he wasn't his own person at all, that he was just a carbon copy of this cousin.
"Isn't it the most wonderful feeling?" I was expressing to him happily.
"It was HORRIBLE!" he exclaimed in abject revulsion.
It took a while for me to tease out why it felt so bad to him to feel this sensation, when it felt good to me.
But it's because - Josh's life has been great! Barely anything bad has ever happened to him. And this unwell society we live in teaches us that if we have good lives, it's because we're good people who did good things and worked hard and deserved it, and people who have difficult lives are bad people who did bad things and deserve it.
But that's completely untrue. Some of us (hi! I'm some of us) have a terrible hand of cards dealt to us through absolutely no fault of our own, and have a shitton of miserable experiences that have nothing to do with our moral capacity or self-discipline or ability to work hard or make good choices or do right things, and none of it has anything to do with deserving anything.
I'm not saying we have zero responsibility - we absolutely do have full responsibility over our lives and we have to recognize and claim that, no matter what. Who else will? This is our life, we didn't ask for it, but we have to work with what we are given as best we can. There is no other way to exist.
But we also need to understand the privilege and circumstances that brought us to good things and bad things, bad choices and good choices, the ability to see clearly enough to make needed changes, and to give others grace (while not forgiving or allowing harmful behavior) who have failed in whatever way, for not having the best chances for success.
Anyway, just something I wanted to make a note of. It was just such a funny contrast. And a fun thing to explore and share together.
Oi, the lot of ya
Oct. 4th, 2025 05:57 pmgs_silva posting in addmeName: GS
Age: old
I mostly post about: Comic book creation, art and writing in general, character development and musings, my personal experiences, my cat, exploring and subverting tropes, maybe politics idk, random shower thoughts
My hobbies are: household management, gardening, native ecology, world travel, language learning
My fandoms are: Whatever you're writing! If you show an interest in my WIP, I'll show an interest in yours. There are a very few genres and themes that I find impossible to engage in. Unfortunately, they tend to be very common: super awesome superlative hero good-and-evil stuff, or gritty dark stuff where everybody's horrible.
But I believe very strongly in reciprocity, and if those themes are your passion, you won't like my book much either. So if you create something that's light and humorous, or raw and honest, or speculative and political, I'll be there for you if you'll be here for me!
But I also enjoy reading and meeting people who aren't into any of that and who just want to be DW friends.
I've lived in Saigon and Shanghai and been to Cambodia and Philippines, and now I'm in the US and not terribly happy about it, so I'd enjoy meeting people with connections to those places. Or Lyon, France! Part of my book takes place in Lyon.
When I add people, my dealbreakers are: Oh, I don't know. Really toxic anger and hateful opinions, I guess. Usually if someone irks me, I'll disappear quietly.
Before adding me, you should know: I'm a naturally chaotic person. I know most of the unspoken rules of society but I don't always care. I've had the usual amount of life traumas but I don't often talk about them. My profile pic is my male MC, Maurice. I'll probably talk about him a lot. I'm not a quiet creator. A lot of what I write is Maurice this, Maurice that, Cathy this. I call my characters by name because I want people to remember them.
Age: old
I mostly post about: Comic book creation, art and writing in general, character development and musings, my personal experiences, my cat, exploring and subverting tropes, maybe politics idk, random shower thoughts
My hobbies are: household management, gardening, native ecology, world travel, language learning
My fandoms are: Whatever you're writing! If you show an interest in my WIP, I'll show an interest in yours. There are a very few genres and themes that I find impossible to engage in. Unfortunately, they tend to be very common: super awesome superlative hero good-and-evil stuff, or gritty dark stuff where everybody's horrible.
But I believe very strongly in reciprocity, and if those themes are your passion, you won't like my book much either. So if you create something that's light and humorous, or raw and honest, or speculative and political, I'll be there for you if you'll be here for me!
But I also enjoy reading and meeting people who aren't into any of that and who just want to be DW friends.
I've lived in Saigon and Shanghai and been to Cambodia and Philippines, and now I'm in the US and not terribly happy about it, so I'd enjoy meeting people with connections to those places. Or Lyon, France! Part of my book takes place in Lyon.
When I add people, my dealbreakers are: Oh, I don't know. Really toxic anger and hateful opinions, I guess. Usually if someone irks me, I'll disappear quietly.
Before adding me, you should know: I'm a naturally chaotic person. I know most of the unspoken rules of society but I don't always care. I've had the usual amount of life traumas but I don't often talk about them. My profile pic is my male MC, Maurice. I'll probably talk about him a lot. I'm not a quiet creator. A lot of what I write is Maurice this, Maurice that, Cathy this. I call my characters by name because I want people to remember them.
Searching for a sense of community
Oct. 4th, 2025 04:09 pmhmmm_tea posting in addmeName: Owen
Age: 45
I mostly post about: A real mix of things: life, single parenting, interesting stories I've found in my family history, politics (left wing), vegan cooking and whatever else springs to mind
My hobbies are: Cooking, genealogy, gardening/allotment, hiking, former morris dancer
My fandoms are: Not really into fandom, but happy to meet people who are
I'm looking to meet people who: Want to be part of a friendly online community. I used to be active on LJ some time ago (previous posts have all been imported so should give an idea of what I used to share - older now, but not necessarily much wiser) and would love to find the sense of community there used to be there.
My posting schedule tends to be: As and when
When I add people, my dealbreakers are: I'm generally open minded
Before adding me, you should know: I'm not really sure, but you can always unadd me later if you change your mind
Age: 45
I mostly post about: A real mix of things: life, single parenting, interesting stories I've found in my family history, politics (left wing), vegan cooking and whatever else springs to mind
My hobbies are: Cooking, genealogy, gardening/allotment, hiking, former morris dancer
My fandoms are: Not really into fandom, but happy to meet people who are
I'm looking to meet people who: Want to be part of a friendly online community. I used to be active on LJ some time ago (previous posts have all been imported so should give an idea of what I used to share - older now, but not necessarily much wiser) and would love to find the sense of community there used to be there.
My posting schedule tends to be: As and when
When I add people, my dealbreakers are: I'm generally open minded
Before adding me, you should know: I'm not really sure, but you can always unadd me later if you change your mind
A happy Friday off
Oct. 3rd, 2025 02:40 pmserafaeryall is right with the world for there are persimmons on a neighborhood tree that are ready to pick and take home for the most delicious snax.
my happiness calendar for today reads: You are the only magic you need
:)
I am exhausted. I had an amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing time at coffin club last night, that was the best night i can remember there in recent memory, definitely the best since my birthday or perhaps for the entire calendar year. Was grateful that some folks were away and the crowd was young and sparkly and so sweet, I felt so safe. I cannot even count how many compliments I got, almost all from women, they were all so kind, and the men were respectful and easy to be around. People were happy but not *too* happy (read: not wasted). Derek SERVED. The music was HOT.
I stayed too late and then had sexytime with Joshter and then just could not sleep, my sleep tracker says I got 3 1/2 hours of sleep, oops. I will crash any moment.
Still have soooooooooooooo much to catch up on, Wednesday wrecked me and Thursday was rough too, I am so so tired omg. But I MUST upload documents and pay rents, and I *really* want to be baking an apple pie by 4pm so that I can bring it to Cynthia at 6pm. If I want a nap, it has to start very very soon. I can hopefully upload documents while the pie is in the oven?
I had a big long hard bike ride with Cynthia this morning and it was exactly what I needed.
Her friend Hanne is not doing great with her breast cancer treatment - the chemo is really rough on her and so far her tumors are not shrinking :( We are worried.
I am just finishing up All the way to the River by Elizabeth Gilbert and I do NOT recommend it. I do think it is heartfelt but unfortunately there is too much privilege wrapped up in it for me, personally. And wow, the way some people handle death is so... repulsive. (This book documents the author's falling in love with her best friend and then watching her die of pancreatic and liver cancer.) I feel very, VERY bristly at anyone who treats the dying as if they are already dead. And also at enablers who abandon their charges when they become "unmanageable." (But that's my recovery talking, and Liz does discover her own addictions and codependency issues in this book and goes to 12 step to get sober. So that's progress. It's just sad it took her that long to figure it out.)
I unfortunately stumbled upon a review of this book yesterday that called her style "priv-lit" (privileged literature - aka rich white american lady lit) and suggested a re-titling of "All the way to the Bank," and talked about it being exploitative of her partner's death. :( I dunno. I was hoping I could find some gems but. I dunno. I regret trying.
It is GRIPPING, though, there is no arguing that Liz is a wonderful writer and I could not put it down and I will finish it (I'm almost done). For a very dark bummer of a distraction, it would do in a pinch.
I am so lucky in so many ways, the sun is out and I feel so so hopeful. Dancing hurt my foot and my back a little, but not so much that I couldn't bike up a storm with Cynthia this morning, I was able to keep up with that beast of a biker (she used to be a professional distance road racer) through a sleep-deprived mania of happiness just to be in her presence and up and moving in the morning in a body that was only very quietly achey, instead of the screaming it's been doing for the last several months.
I have hope that I can work around my arthritis, going forward, and that I am making the right decisions, so far, in my communication with this newly fragile form of a body I have been gifted with.
I am endlessly grateful for this gift.
I am also SO GLAD the house I work out of was booked today so that I was forced to take an extra day off, I need it desperately after getting raked over the coals this week - Josh and I both.
Cannot wait to spend tonight and tomorrow night with my best friends. I will mushroom hunt with Tyler tomorrow afternoon. I will work all day Sunday and Monday. All is well. I even cleaned the bathroom sink and swept the floors! I've been cooking tons of beautiful food and eating well, my body is thankful and so am I.
As I was getting dressed and debating the skimpy strappy shorts or the tendril skirt, Josh and I agreed that I should go for the skimpy stuff, because, "who knows how much longer I'll be able to get away with it. I doubt I'll be wearing these when I'm 60." :)
Coffin Club is so spiritually nourishing, for me. So so grateful for the goth community, and my little dark spooky home away from home.
The Finch self-care app has a spooky manor theme this month, speaking of spooky! At the end we get a little black cat micropet! I am over the moon about this :D
my happiness calendar for today reads: You are the only magic you need
:)
I am exhausted. I had an amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing time at coffin club last night, that was the best night i can remember there in recent memory, definitely the best since my birthday or perhaps for the entire calendar year. Was grateful that some folks were away and the crowd was young and sparkly and so sweet, I felt so safe. I cannot even count how many compliments I got, almost all from women, they were all so kind, and the men were respectful and easy to be around. People were happy but not *too* happy (read: not wasted). Derek SERVED. The music was HOT.
I stayed too late and then had sexytime with Joshter and then just could not sleep, my sleep tracker says I got 3 1/2 hours of sleep, oops. I will crash any moment.
Still have soooooooooooooo much to catch up on, Wednesday wrecked me and Thursday was rough too, I am so so tired omg. But I MUST upload documents and pay rents, and I *really* want to be baking an apple pie by 4pm so that I can bring it to Cynthia at 6pm. If I want a nap, it has to start very very soon. I can hopefully upload documents while the pie is in the oven?
I had a big long hard bike ride with Cynthia this morning and it was exactly what I needed.
Her friend Hanne is not doing great with her breast cancer treatment - the chemo is really rough on her and so far her tumors are not shrinking :( We are worried.
I am just finishing up All the way to the River by Elizabeth Gilbert and I do NOT recommend it. I do think it is heartfelt but unfortunately there is too much privilege wrapped up in it for me, personally. And wow, the way some people handle death is so... repulsive. (This book documents the author's falling in love with her best friend and then watching her die of pancreatic and liver cancer.) I feel very, VERY bristly at anyone who treats the dying as if they are already dead. And also at enablers who abandon their charges when they become "unmanageable." (But that's my recovery talking, and Liz does discover her own addictions and codependency issues in this book and goes to 12 step to get sober. So that's progress. It's just sad it took her that long to figure it out.)
I unfortunately stumbled upon a review of this book yesterday that called her style "priv-lit" (privileged literature - aka rich white american lady lit) and suggested a re-titling of "All the way to the Bank," and talked about it being exploitative of her partner's death. :( I dunno. I was hoping I could find some gems but. I dunno. I regret trying.
It is GRIPPING, though, there is no arguing that Liz is a wonderful writer and I could not put it down and I will finish it (I'm almost done). For a very dark bummer of a distraction, it would do in a pinch.
I am so lucky in so many ways, the sun is out and I feel so so hopeful. Dancing hurt my foot and my back a little, but not so much that I couldn't bike up a storm with Cynthia this morning, I was able to keep up with that beast of a biker (she used to be a professional distance road racer) through a sleep-deprived mania of happiness just to be in her presence and up and moving in the morning in a body that was only very quietly achey, instead of the screaming it's been doing for the last several months.
I have hope that I can work around my arthritis, going forward, and that I am making the right decisions, so far, in my communication with this newly fragile form of a body I have been gifted with.
I am endlessly grateful for this gift.
I am also SO GLAD the house I work out of was booked today so that I was forced to take an extra day off, I need it desperately after getting raked over the coals this week - Josh and I both.
Cannot wait to spend tonight and tomorrow night with my best friends. I will mushroom hunt with Tyler tomorrow afternoon. I will work all day Sunday and Monday. All is well. I even cleaned the bathroom sink and swept the floors! I've been cooking tons of beautiful food and eating well, my body is thankful and so am I.
As I was getting dressed and debating the skimpy strappy shorts or the tendril skirt, Josh and I agreed that I should go for the skimpy stuff, because, "who knows how much longer I'll be able to get away with it. I doubt I'll be wearing these when I'm 60." :)
Coffin Club is so spiritually nourishing, for me. So so grateful for the goth community, and my little dark spooky home away from home.
The Finch self-care app has a spooky manor theme this month, speaking of spooky! At the end we get a little black cat micropet! I am over the moon about this :D
stressed and hurt but making progress.
Oct. 1st, 2025 02:57 pmserafaeryIn a lot of physical pain today, I guess I messed up my back doing silks yesterday. Maybe doing silks while crying is not ideal.
The tears were mostly from the stress of the home buying process. It's gutting in its terror, for me, but Josh wants this so badly and I have let him down enough times. He has done so, so much for me, I need to put some faith in him that we can do this. I would rather not. My childhood home was foreclosed on. Watching the bank take back your parents' house is an awful experience, there are no words for the way it disrupts, permanently, any psychological notions (however false) of safely, stability, a place to call home, any sort of safety net. (My grandparents died when I was young or before I was born, sick and in pain, we have no other connected relatives, there has never been anything left to fall back on.) I don't want to experience anything like that ever again.
So, I cried a lot, yesterday, signing away my life savings for an unknown risk.
I was not happy with my realtor, and then embarrassed at my own behavior (I picked him out, after all), and he called me specifically to try to help calm me down a little bit, and offered gently that he could understand, because his parents also had their house foreclosed on, so, he could see why I would feel fearful and overwhelmed. It was kind of him to listen and have some real patience with my over-emotional over-sharing. It was nice not to feel judged or dismissed for being silly or overdramatic, as is usually the way when I try to make adult/major financial decisions and get overwhelmed and paralyzed.
It's an odd sensation, to take on a massive, incomprehensible debt, and pour ones life's savings (however meager mine happens to be) but a debt that at least you can live inside? How bizarre.
Anyway it's not set in stone until closing so we'll see how it goes.
I wanted to get SO MUCH done today, but I still haven't even managed to get my appointment schedule out to open appts for the month, and here it is 3pm, the sun is out after hours of rain, most of the day is already gone and I feel like I've done nothing. But I've been busy and nauseated all day working. I wish I had more to show for it. I'll get there.
Hot flashes get more bearable when the weather cools, lol.
I need a shower desperately.
Need to box up an order and ship it, visit the neighbor's plants one last time, send out checks and pay rent and pick up prescriptions and I reeeeeeeeeally wanted to get housework done today, sigh. My back says otherwise.
The tears were mostly from the stress of the home buying process. It's gutting in its terror, for me, but Josh wants this so badly and I have let him down enough times. He has done so, so much for me, I need to put some faith in him that we can do this. I would rather not. My childhood home was foreclosed on. Watching the bank take back your parents' house is an awful experience, there are no words for the way it disrupts, permanently, any psychological notions (however false) of safely, stability, a place to call home, any sort of safety net. (My grandparents died when I was young or before I was born, sick and in pain, we have no other connected relatives, there has never been anything left to fall back on.) I don't want to experience anything like that ever again.
So, I cried a lot, yesterday, signing away my life savings for an unknown risk.
I was not happy with my realtor, and then embarrassed at my own behavior (I picked him out, after all), and he called me specifically to try to help calm me down a little bit, and offered gently that he could understand, because his parents also had their house foreclosed on, so, he could see why I would feel fearful and overwhelmed. It was kind of him to listen and have some real patience with my over-emotional over-sharing. It was nice not to feel judged or dismissed for being silly or overdramatic, as is usually the way when I try to make adult/major financial decisions and get overwhelmed and paralyzed.
It's an odd sensation, to take on a massive, incomprehensible debt, and pour ones life's savings (however meager mine happens to be) but a debt that at least you can live inside? How bizarre.
Anyway it's not set in stone until closing so we'll see how it goes.
I wanted to get SO MUCH done today, but I still haven't even managed to get my appointment schedule out to open appts for the month, and here it is 3pm, the sun is out after hours of rain, most of the day is already gone and I feel like I've done nothing. But I've been busy and nauseated all day working. I wish I had more to show for it. I'll get there.
Hot flashes get more bearable when the weather cools, lol.
I need a shower desperately.
Need to box up an order and ship it, visit the neighbor's plants one last time, send out checks and pay rent and pick up prescriptions and I reeeeeeeeeally wanted to get housework done today, sigh. My back says otherwise.
you ever met a talking cat befure?
Oct. 1st, 2025 11:22 amsparklecat posting in addmeName:
Sparklecat, they/them
Sparklecat, they/them
Age:
bodily 23, mentally being rubberbanded back and forth through time
I mostly post about:
things that are inspiring/recovery related, things related to my studies (religion, demonolatry, sociology, folkways/folk music, appalachian history, union/labor history), fannish ramblings, any art. I feel i will probably use this as a bit of a diary, but im not sure......
My hobbies are:
(light) writing, crochet, making mix cds (like physically, which im trying to figure out how to translate into shareable art), looking at pretty pictures, about a million other things on any given day. I also make puzzles and have a website for it!
My fandoms are:
I write fanfic for Five Nights at Freddy's and Undertale/Deltarune. My main fandom is The Daycare Attendant community, a subcommunity of FNAF. we are small but mighty, lol. I have a vested interest in x readers and I enjoy self-ship. I also enjoy any form of monster/creature, not really limited to community. i guess you would call me a monsterfucker/lover/appreciator. A friend to monsters, hopefully?
I'm looking to meet people who:
ramble! share their thoughts! want to speak asynchronously! I am very new to this form of social media, being a tumblr native since 2015, and want to make friends!
My posting schedule tends to be:
hopefully multiple times a week, but i want to try to put out more "together" posts at least once. dont hold me to this however. Im hoping to use this journal as a mix between a diary, pinterest, and tumblr.
When I add people, my dealbreakers are:
No Minors, sorry! also no fascists/bigots/maga. I am against AI usage on environmental grounds.
Before adding me, you should know:
I am plural/a system and will post about that/other parts will make posts every now and again. we are interested in the experience of other systems and their concept of healthy multiplicity. Also genderfluid and aromantic(ish) and like to ramble about that too.
October Buddy Assignments
Oct. 1st, 2025 02:34 pmsiberian_angel posting in thestoryinside
The themes for October are:
CONTEMPORARY // HISTORICAL // LGBTQ // THRILLER // HORROR // FEMALE AUTHOR
You must choose books with these genres and themes for your buddy. If you think you might not have books in your TBR pile that fits this month's choices, please let your buddy know.
You can find your buddy's TBR lists here.
monkiainen & flareonfury yourivy & badfalconYou have until the 5th to choose your partner's books.